Comments on Single Guy Money: Domestic Violence and Separate Savings Accounts

I'm not sure what your friend's situation ...

2009-12-21T12:32:36.995-05:00

I'm not sure what your friend's situation is, but I was in a controlling abusive marriage myself when I was young.I had no way to 'squirrel away' any money for myself.I was not allowed to work, have any friends that were not wives of his friends, or have any money that he did not give me directly.Even when I went to the grocery store, I had to give him the receipts to prove what I

Having a separate savings account is a terrific id...

2009-12-17T17:50:15.761-05:00

Having a separate savings account is a terrific idea. As sad as it is to say, you have have to be prepared for the worst in marriages now adays. As stated in the article posted, most marriages don't last that long now adays and many issues DO stem from a financial base. These "issues" can blossom into an abusive situation due to frustrations. I think in hindsight, this is an awesome

As a family law attorney, I see this situation too...

2009-12-12T13:55:22.563-05:00

As a family law attorney, I see this situation too often. Your friend needs to know that there are many, many options and resources available to her. Help her find those resources. There are many organizations that provide both short-term and long-term relief in the form of housing, food, job placement assistance, financial assistance, free legal assistance, etc. The family court intake

Separate accounts is a must in any relationship. ...

2009-12-09T15:05:54.769-05:00

Separate accounts is a must in any relationship.

I was married to a controlling man who, while not physically abusive, would not allow me to buy my own shampoo or other small, inexpensive things of my own. He said I could just use what he used. But when he wanted a new computer, you'd better believe 'we' got one!

He gave me an allowance of $20 a week for lunch

My experience is that it's always difficult to...

2009-12-05T12:39:03.436-05:00

My experience is that it's always difficult to help women in this situation (not that it can't happen to men, too). An abuser makes a woman so dependent upon them that they feel "stuck" -- and cannot imagine leaving the abuser. It takes a lot, LOT of support and cajoling to convince them to leave. As frustrated as you likely are, always be there for her -- there may come a point

I've had two long term relationships where we&...

2009-12-05T11:35:29.558-05:00

I've had two long term relationships where we've handled sharing money very differently. With my ex husband, everything was combined into joint accounts. That was fine - and even when one of us made more than the other, we just shared all the money in the accounts. It worked out amicably when we divorced, as we just split the sale of the house and everything in the accounts.

I read the memoir, In Our House; Perception vs. Re...

2009-12-04T20:12:30.708-05:00

I read the memoir, In Our House; Perception vs. Reality that is on Oprah.com. Marala Scott really hit hard with her memoir telling the ugly truth about domestic violence and child abuse. I think we need to take a closer look at what we allow to happen in our relationship and ask ourselves why. I do agree that the Indicators of an Abuser are beneficial in identifying the signs that tell you

Holy crap. That's so intense. I definitely agr...

2009-12-04T18:13:24.504-05:00

Holy crap. That's so intense. I definitely agree, separate savings accounts makes a lot of sense, especially since most divorces stem from financial problems (unless you're listening to Jan Andersen, I guess).

This reminds me of Marala Scott&

My ex-husband wasn't an abuser per-se- he had ...

2009-12-04T17:09:24.795-05:00

My ex-husband wasn't an abuser per-se- he had a psychotic break and chased me out of the house with a gun one night. Up until then, he had been mildly threatening at worst. But that night I ran- I moved into my mom's canceled every expense possible, and used a personal checking account he didn't know about (although by then he was institutionalized so he couldn't have tried to

I am not in an abusive relationship but I always b...

2009-12-04T13:00:31.776-05:00

I am not in an abusive relationship but I always believe in the (at least) 3 accounts for couples. There should be a combined account for dual bills like electricity and food and then each person should have a separate mad money account.

I don't need my significant other wondering why I spent X amount on vanilla scented lotion and I don't want to know why he spent Y on another

Great article, I would like to cross-post to my si...

2009-12-04T11:36:55.654-05:00

Great article, I would like to cross-post to my site? Many women that come to my site are trapped in a situation like this, with children. Having emergency money should be part of a total separation plan, where you have important numbers, extra keys, needed documents together...just in case. Thanks for your point of view on this...

http://www.rightsformothers.com

From my experience with a friend whose husband nea...

2009-12-04T11:29:22.679-05:00

From my experience with a friend whose husband nearly killed her, your friend needs professional help. Domestic violence is more than simply not having a savings account. The sad reality is that even if she did have a significant amount of money saved on her own that he couldn't find, the stats are against her.

If you can, encourage her to call a domestic violence hotline. You can

I definitely agree with you but it is unfortunate ...

2009-12-04T10:34:26.346-05:00

I definitely agree with you but it is unfortunate that having her own savings account still didn't help since her husband had (probably by demand) access to it.

This is why women's shelters, specifically for victims of domestic violence are so important. They provide a temporary place to live, clothing, food, job assistance, counseling, child care and tons of other resources